{A Puzzled Mom}

I come to you today with a heavy heart. It's my oldest son. Nothing has particularly happened he just seems different. As a mom its got my mind wondering and worried. I know this school year has been filled with ups and downs in his classroom. He has had a wonderful Godly teacher, but the "class" has been such a challenge I have found myself asking , "Did I miss something here?" This post may not make alot of since, so allow me to warn you. I am thinking/typing out loud. I am also very emotional about this. I cant talk about it without crying.

Clay is a "good boy." He is a Christian, makes straight A's, excellent reader, never gets in trouble, athletic, has spotless room (slightly ocd), perfectionist, kind, warm hearted, soft spoken . . . and painfully shy. As a matter of fact, the more shy I have realized he is the more it is breaking my heart. Example: He would love to have mustard and pickles on his cheeseburger but because somebody at school made fun of him by saying "that is gross", he eats them plain. There are several more examples but that one is the first to come to my mind.

I have noticed his increased irritability over the last month. Two certain kids at school keep making fun of him. Calling him s-t-u-p-i-d and p-u-n-k. Yes, I am spelling those words because we don't say them at our house. He said on the playground they got in his face and yelled, "get out of here." Now, I know how cruel and mean kids can be, but I also know how sweet and kind children can be too. All of my children are expected to show nothing but kindness (please know I am aware that may not always be the case). We have encouraged Clay at this point just to walk away (tears rolling down my face.) You want your kids to take up for themselves. . . but there is a very fine line. We have to remember Christ and all of the pain and suffering he endured. He took it.

Something else I noticed he is a little withdrawn. He was invited to a birthday party a few weeks ago (unfortunately Mr Hobbs and I both had to work so we couldn't get him there), but he didn't want to go. And he loves the little boy that invited him.

Is Clay sad, feeling lonely, scared or worried about something, hungry (he doesn't eat very well at school), overtired, overworked, sick of school, being mean, being mean to, being bullied? I do believe he is holding feelings inside and I am searching and seeking to help him.

Our schools are so large and can be overwhelming to kids like Clay that are so shy. Say he's friends with X, but if X is playing with kids Clayton doesn't know, Clayton doesn't feel like he can join in. Also, don't mention GIRLS, he will cry! You know how adults can say, "Do you have a girlfriend?" . . . not my son. He will turn bright red and tear up, because it simply mortifies him.

In the meantime, I am looking forward to school being out for summer. I hope by removing "playground drama" and "classroom situation" I can try to build him back up over the summer.

I am going to go back to Ephesians 6, and talk to him about putting on Gods Armor everyday.

My children have brought me more joy than I thought I could ever have, but sometimes I feel the heavy heavy load of "raising them right." And let me tell you, if you are doing it "right" it is alot of work. Literally training yourself to constantly be in prayer, teaching, leading by example (actions speak louder than words) listening, and showing them Christ in ALL we do is a huge task. There is so much more to it than sports, school, and even taking them them to church . . . that stuff is gravy.

So please pray for me my dear friends. Pray that God will reveal to me just what my little boy is needing. I don't want to miss it. I don't want to look back and say, "I should've done this or that." I have to make it right the first time because I only have one shot.

I am taking him Subway to school today. . . with pickles and mustard. They better not say a word with This Mom around.

Love, Tonia

Remember Mr. Hobbs, me, and Clay tonite in your prayers. Thank you.